We met a lot of couples while canvassing the U.S. and prying into people’s sex lives. And we heard all sorts of creative ways to keep the bed springs bouncing. Date nights, sex goals, habits (every Monday at 2, for example). But one we really liked was booty duty: when one spouse calls for it, the other has to comply. Sure, it sounds vaguely 1950s, but remember it works BOTH ways: anyone can call it.
Lo and behold, this woman’s advice mirrored that of an economist – a famous one whose work we really dig. George Loewenstein, a Big Deal economist at Carnegie Mellon, told us that married people don’t get “hot” thinking about sex the way they did when say, they were dating and having sex every 17 seconds. He calls this the hot-cold empathy gap which means that when you are agitated, or turned on (hot) you make different decisions than when you are calm, or have a headache (cold). So rather than wait until you get “hot”, you have to find ways to GET hot. Like setting a goal. Or just saying yes when one of you wants to do it.
But back to Booty Duty. The woman who told us about it said she and her husband of 14 years implemented it after the arrival of their third child, when time for sex seemed to disappear. “I mean, neither one of us calls for it very much.” Sort of depresssing, sort of inspiring. Call it the just say yes campaign. Nancy Reagan would be proud.
Photo: jhongdizon at flickr